Holy Crap! It's Been a Year!

You'd think that I'd update this damn thing more often, but seeing as I can never figure out how to hold onto a steady job for more than two years at a time, I had to rearrange real life and get a few things straight. Now that that's over with, I can go on with the important things in life...making fun of cartoons that I stay up too late to watch. Tonight, we have a doozy, too. It' s not a full-length run, but it's enough to get you smellin' what I'm cookin'. Just like The Rock, only fat. And white. And not talented.

Tonight, we jump right into The Origin of Birdboy!

It'd be awesome if I were going to dissect the episode of Harvey Birdman: Attorney-at-Law that deals with the origin of Peanut, the Birdboy. But you didn't come here for good cartoons, did you? Oh no, you came here for...well, I'm not sure what you came here for, but you're going to get it. Boy, are you gonna get it.

Tonight's adventure of Birdman (not Harvey) starts with Birdman thwarting an attempted robbery on a boat, wherein the boat is blown up, a villain runs away, and Birdman finds a kid passed out on driftwood. When the young lad wakes up, he has no recollection of what happened, except for what's shown him in a flashback. Birdman doesn't know his name, where he came from, what he's carrying, and if he likes guys dressed up as birds, but he offers him the opportunity to join him in his crime-fighting spree of justice!

Well, actually, he tells him that he's renaming him Birdboy, he'll help him track down his father, and re-thwart the villain what was already once thwarted, but needs yet more thwarting. Oh, and to top it all off, while Birdman was "saving" the boat which blew up, he irradiated Birdboy with his Sun Rays, giving him power from the sun, too. Birdboy does the responsible thing by destroying a vase in the room with 25,000 rads of cosmic doom. Just like a teenager, it goes off whether you want it to or not.

But how is Birdboy to help Birdman with the thwarting? It just so happens that Birdman had a costume with metallic wings just waiting for the day that he could "save" a young man from certain doom...even if he had to create that doom himself. It was never intimated if Birdman was a jack-off or not. But anyways, Birdman then instructs Birdboy to hold his hand so they can take off in flight.

Two things here. I've never before nor since seen a flying tandem where one person held onto another person by use of one hand. Two, how in the hell do you get your wrist that strong that you can hold a traditional arm-outstretched flying pose with proper leg placement? And before you answer with the crude answer I know you have waiting, you should know that I know you've been doing that for years, and I don't see you doing a one-armed Iron Cross on the gymnastic rings. Feel me now?

Back to the action! Birdman apparently forgets that his new ward has been in the flying business for about 15 seconds before he lets go of Birdboy's hand. Birdboy starts flapping the mechanical wings that he's had for less time than it takes you to pee, and proceeds to fly on his own.

Now, I wish I could tell you what happens next, but my brain completely shut down, and the next thing I remembered was the Snorks being on, and then there was another shutdown. If it hadn't been for the infusion of .5 liters of caffeinated goodness, I'm not sure I would have survived. If I do ever find out what happened, I'll let you know. But for now, I'm back. I'm not sure if I'll do this as often as Chris Sims does over at the Invincible Super-Blog, but then again, I don't think I have that kind of stamina. And he just dealt with Anita Blake...twice.